


Reasons Wretched and Divine

by merycula



Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Crusades, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:42:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25367788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merycula/pseuds/merycula
Summary: Nicolo dreams of Yusuf
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 6
Kudos: 154





	Reasons Wretched and Divine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [clockworkmoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkmoon/gifts).



As soon as the fighting stopped, the dreams began.

Nicolo did not understand. Why would he dream of the undead demon he had fought at the gates of Jerusalem countless times, killing and being killed over and over, all to no avail? Had the man finally perished, and would haunt Nicolo’s dreams in revenge? Or was Nicolo’s soul being tortured for the crimes committed in the Holy War, final proof that there was nothing holy about it? Or better yet, was his true nature being revealed to him by the Devil, sinful and wrong, wanting for things it should not? But he dreamt of women too, strong and beautiful women, walking together towards the unknown. And yet, although they intrigued him, called to him, it was nothing compared to the shameful desire he woke up to after dreaming of that man, his enemy. Was God trying to guide Nicolo towards him, or warn Nicolo against him? 

Nicolo had first died pierced by that man’s blade. He looked terrified when Nicolo came back to life, but not as terrified as he looked when he himself rose back from the dead after meeting Nicolo’s sword immediately after. The fear was short-lived, on both sides, and they continued this morbid dance for as long as the cries of war served as their music. There were moments when Nicolo thought he had been chosen by God - how else could he explain such a miracle - so was his enemy chosen by his own deity? Were they fated to fight forever? It could not have been their destiny. If it was, were the dreams a prophecy?  _ You have served your purpose, Nicolo of Genova, in a war that has now ended, and this infidel is the face of your demise. _ Nicolo was scared.

And yet, he longed.

He deserted; there were no other words for what he had done. He walked during the day and slept and night, and each time his dreams became calmer, soothing even. Not of the women, as they still felt desperate and confusing, but of the man. One night, Nicolo did not dream of him at all, and he found himself feeling oddly deprived. The fledgling feeling, barely belonging to the waking world, soon turned to despair; the idea of not being able to die, completely awful on its own, when paired with loneliness, was simply unbearable. No, not loneliness, but the lack of that elusive something that the dreams nourished Nicolo with. His eyes burning, his mouth dry, and breath short, Nicolo ran. He had no idea where or to what purpose.

Until he saw him. 

For a brief moment, he could not believe his eyes, certain he was still asleep, and watched as his victim and his killer, his most vivid nightmare and his most hidden dream, prayed in an unfamiliar and yet beautiful manner. He dared not interrupt, and simply watched, filled with emotions he could not name, and that alone felt like a prayer. When the man finally noticed him, Nicolo expected him to be startled, to reach for his blade and charge at the enemy. Instead, he smiled with relief and slowly came closer. Nicolo could not have moved even if he tried, and he felt no need for it. Looking into those dark and honest eyes, away from the cruelty of the battlefield, he knew that he had met his destiny - not to kill this man, but to love him. 

“I feared I would never see you again when you did not appear in my dream,” said the man, his Italian accented and far from perfect, but music to Nicolo’s ears all the same. “But I prayed to God and he listened.”

Nicolo was no longer sure either of their Gods had anything to do with either of them, their lives and deaths, their fate, their souls. He was no longer sure his soul still belonged to him, let alone to God, or was it already completely  _ his. _ Nicolo would have time to come to terms with the many troubling thoughts plaguing his mind since the war that filled his heart with dread and confusion, but not now. 

“Your name,” he stammered, fingers shakily reaching for the smiling face in front of him, strange and familiar at the same time. “I knew I would not rest until I have found you, but I do not know your name.”

_ I love you and I do not know you, _ Nicolo wanted to say, but then he heard the most beautiful sound in the entire world, a name he would never stop saying with reverence and devotion, and he realised that he knew everything there was to know.

Yusuf.


End file.
